I’m finally coming up out of the funk that ’s had me down since Monday. I shared yesterday that this funk was due to car troubles paired with spending the day talking to hundreds of people (read: introvert’s hell), but I’ll level with you – it was the sugar.
When I got home Sunday night, having spent the weekend moping because I had to take care of the car all by myself and I used to have a husband to take care of the car - and being utterly drained from the aforementioned introvert’s hell, I thought it would be a good idea to have a little treat. I figured some ice cream would be nice. I did enjoy the first few bites of the Haagen Dazs Cookie Dough, but from then on it’s a little fuzzy. I kinda came back in about the time the spoon hit the bottom of the empty pint. That was a terrible feeling. There’s no “undo” button for that kind of thing. I was supposed to be having a few nurturing bites of ice cream. A quarter of the pint would have been a serving, according to the package. Half the pint would have been within the realm of mindfulness, intention and control. But to zone out into some kind of ice cream twilight zone while I shovelled in the entire pint, that’s no good. No good at the time and, as I’ve known for years, no good for me the day after. That much ice cream crosses a line for me. I get sugarcidal.
You might be familiar with the phenonmenon, but I hope not. It’s awful. The day after a major sugar indulgence I tank into a dreadful depression. I’m talking fetal position under the couch. The kind of pit where I can’t find two positive thoughts to rub against each other. The kind where I see an oncoming car and think, eh, why bother moving? The kind where I deconstruct every good thing that’s going on in my life and conclude I’ve got nothing to live for. It’s really, really bad.
It’s this dynamic that had me on antidepressants for years. But the meds would always stop working, resulting in new prescriptions and ever increasing dosages. It wasn’t until I got off the sugar that I saw any consistent levelling out of my moods. Well, consistent as long as I take care of myself – I’m still capable of going sugarcidal.
I know this about myself, though, so for the most part I stay away from sugar. The deal is supposed to be that I can have infrequent, small amounts of very high quality treats, and only when I don’t have any commitments the next day. This last weekend got away from me, though. The best spin I can put on it is that I got some solid reassurance that staying away from sugar really is important for me.
Tags: control, depression, haagen dazs, learning, moods, self care, stability, sugar
