It hardly seems fair that it takes about 90 days to pick up a good habit and about 24 hours to lose one.
As I’ve whined before, I’m supposed to be writing here every day. I like writing here. It’s not hard. So how is it that it’s Tuesday and I haven’t written since Thursday? Best I can tell I got thrown off track and then I got tired. I got really tired, actually. And I was thrown pretty well off track.
Friday morning my car wouldn’t start. Turns out the battery was low – there was enough juice to make the radio play and the lights light up, but not enough to turn over the engine. Now, I have other radios and other lights I can use, but that engine turning over is something I really need from my car.
First thing I did was call my Dad. I knew I had to take the car to the mechanic (I felt pretty good about having sent him cookies earlier in the week), but there’s something about calling my Dad that felt right. Dad wasn’t home, so I got Mom. I was halfway through telling her about the car not working when I started to cry. The tears caught me off guard enough that I really started to sob. All I could say, chokingly, was: “I don’t want to deal with this. I shouldn’t have to deal with this. I had a husband, and he took care of all the car stuff and I, I, I…” snorfle, snuffle, bwaahhhh! I really broke down. It’s been weeks since I had a melt down like this – a genuine o woe is me damsel in distress pity party. Hardly seems fair, I’d been doing so well. I’d signed the papers my lawyer gave me to take my husband to court, I’d paid my personal property tax, I’d eaten three meals a day – all the trappings of being an independent, single woman and all it took was one lousy car battery to send me into the morass. By the time I got home Friday night I didn’t feel like writing my blog. I felt like going to bed.
By Saturday night I was feeling better. I watched a movie and stayed up way too late, so no blog writing. Sunday I worked all day at an Expo – talked to more people in a day than in introvert should have to talk to in a month, so straight to bed with no blog that night. Monday I overslept, woke up more depressed than I’ve been in a year and went to bed early, no blog. There you have it, the unravelling of a habit.
The good news is that as of this writing, I’m back on track. One for one with daily writing, starting today. Like I said, I enjoy it, and it’s not hard.
Tags: car trouble, change, fear, groove, habits, independent, introvert, loneliness, writing
