health imposed day off

“Health Imposed Day Off”.  What’s that all about?  Well, that’s what you get when you don’t have the sense to take a “self imposed day off”.  Yes, another lesson learned in doing too much for too long.  My body has a real way of letting me know when it’s been pushed too far, and this morning it was large and in charge.

I wish I weren’t so familiar with the following sentence:  “I hope this time I’ve really learned this lesson.”  Once again I got so caught up with scheduling myself that I forgot my personal commitment to down time.  I need down time.  Alone time.  Time on the couch doing nothing.  Can I hear the introverts breathe a collective “amen”?

This year on my own has been a crash course in how to take care of myself.  The first few months was full of alone time.  Initially it had a lot to do with coming out of the pit that was my marriage; I’d really cut myself off from my friends and interests.  My husband and I are both introverts, and we fell into the habit of spending our time together – although most of that together time found us not engaged with each other, but simply both in the house at the same time.  Once I moved out I started seeing my friends more, but still spent a huge amount of time by myself.  I felt wounded and cocooned in grief – the idea of being out with people was overwhelming and inconceivable.  Now it’s been almost a year, the emotional bruises are fading, and being out with friends, travelling, and dating is fun and exciting and quite heady.  I’m also trying to get back on the ball professionally, so I’m booking more talks and attending more networking events.  My calendar is packed with commitments.

I like to wave at balance as I swing by.  Today, after three weeks of my version of ”lifestyles of the rich and famous”, my body cried uncle.  Sore throat, sponge head, hacking and wheezing.  I cancelled my appointments for the day and hit the couch.  I’ve been reading, sleeping,  drinking tea.  These are all the things I like to do on a day off, when I have the sense to book myself one. 

Learning.  I’m still learning how to do this thing.  I’m getting better, though.  The first time I ran myself down into physical crash and burn it was my therapist who had me get out my calendar, find the day with the fewest things on it and cancel them all to give myself a day off.  That was painful.  At least today I was able to do that for myself.  Moving forward I’d like to see me schedule regular R&R in advance.  Proactively.  Intentionally.  With an understanding and simple love of self that appreciates my need for down time.  As if labor unions didn’t do a valiant enough job establishing the weekend, for gawd’s sake. 

What will really be impressive is when I can maintain mycommitment to self in light of a lucrative work offer or flattering date proposal.   I’d never cancel or reschedule on someone as flagrantly as I do myself.  Oy.  I hope this time I’ve really learned this lesson.

Tags: alone, divorce, health, introvert, quite, relaxation, rest, schedule, self care