Feeling pretty glum this evening. Met with the health insurance lady to get an idea of what it’s going to cost me to have my own policy, since I’ve been on my husband’s for the last seven years. It’s gonna cost a significant amount of money, that’s what it’s gonna cost. I don’t have any political leanings, but I gotta say it’s hard to understand who is encouraging the American dream of self-employment. Between trying to pay for your own health coverage and footing the entire chunk of social security and other taxes it’s looking mighty appealing to dive back into corporate America and let the corporation pay the better half of all that.
So I’m feeling pretty heavy, which is an ironic thing to say in light of yesterday’s doctor visit, where it was quickly identified that I’ve lost a significant amount of weight. Now, I know that I’ll make few friends by complaining about losing weight, but for those who get it, you know it’s not a good feeling. Once you really know something about disordered eating, you understand that overeating and undereating are just different manifestations of the same defect – a basic disconnect in self care. These days I’ve defaulted to my stress-induced lack of appetite and just not eating enough. I’ve noticed I haven’t posted pix of my lunches and dinners here in a while, which is an interesting way to cold bust myself not eating well. When I eat well, I’m happy to put the pix up here.
Then there’s the double whammy of the work I do – I counsel people to get balanced around their eating – so I’m feeling pretty lame to realize how out of wack my eating is these days. I suppose I’ve got the benefit of being a real person who can truly relate and understand my clients’ situations; I call it the Bill Clinton effect. That man’s popularity went up each time he revealed “real life” foibles, from smoking pot to cheating on his wife. So for now I’ll consider this an avenue toward making me a better counselor. For the even more immediate now I’m going to bed.
Getting back on track, lunch today was black bean soup and a salad that was nutritious but didn’t merit a photo. Dinner was leftover sweet potatoes and kale, with a truly sublime slice of toast with butter. Sometimes toast is just right. It really hit the spot but again, hardly photo-worthy. And I’m about to have a bowl of rice pudding – my homespun brew of leftover brown rice, almond milk, maple syrup and cardamom. Yum. Not too shabby.
Tags: eating disorders, health insurance, money, rice pudding, taxes, weight loss
