Tuesday

If I may, a bit of a rant.

I’ve been shopping for three days now.  I’ve been to strip malls, mall malls, online stores.  All the major players.   What does it take to get a decent mini skirt in this town?  Just a solid color, unadorned, twill skirt that stops about four inches above my knee.  Reminds me of private school in the 80’s when minis were popular.  You could show up at school with a mini skirt on, but when they made you kneel you’d better hope that skirt touched the floor.  Or they’d call your parents.  Back then that was a serious threat.

So, I want a friggin’ mini skirt.  Navy or black, I’ve already got one in khaki.  Sadly, they seem to be out of fashion at present.  Banana Republic had them a few months back, but they’re long gone now that I’ve got money to spend. 

I also want dresses.  I’ve decided I want to wear a lot of dresses.  Now that I’m single, and feeling more feminine than ever (the ex turned me on to LL Bean, which despite the attractive Free Shipping, rendered me eunuch at best and butch at worst), I want dresses and mini skirts.  I’ve even bought and have been wearing makeup, which I had abandoned while I was married.  Not just because I was married, I was a chef for five years and then worked in an ice cream shop – makeup just didn’t make sense.  But now, watch out.  I’m self employed, I’m either sitting on the phone sitting in individual client sessions or giving group workshops all day, so I’m lookin’ good.  If only I could find a mini skirt and some dresses.

At the risk of alienating myself from the majority, everything I’ve tried on has been too big.  Now, if you’re in that minority who can relate, you know how utterly miserable it can be to see a gorgeous print dress in a warm coconut brown floral on the pages of the Eddie Bauer catalog, order a petite small, for god’s sake, and have it billow about your midsection like a renegade sail.  At least I can return it to the store and don’t have to ship it back to them.  In the last four days I’ve ordered six dresses, two pairs of shoes and one necklace from four separate vendors.  Four of the dresses are going back.  Two are yet to arrive.  The first pair of shoes are heart wrenchingly cute, a little crowded at the toes but I’ll probably keep them.

Meanwhile, it was a disappointing day in the world of food, too.  Lunch was a salad and leftover ravioli – the best part of which was that the rain finally stopped and I got to eat lunch sitting outside on my stoop, gazing at the miracle which is my sprouting window box of spinach, bok choy and salad greens.  My butt got soggy sitting on the wooden steps but I didn’t care.

Dinner.  Oy vey.  Classic situation:  I got out of work, had several things I wanted to do but couldn’t decide which was the best use of my time.  Decided to hit the Hallmark store and buy cards for everyone I know.  Then hit the Dress Barn, which advertises sizes 4 – 24, but doesn’t carry anything smaller than an 8.  Cute stuff, though, I was excited and then crushed to learn they don’t do any online sales.  So, I have cards, no dresses, and it’s 7pm.  I pop into the Golden Dragon – my last client got me all spun up talking about miso soup so I figure I’ll grab some egg rolls, some seaweed salad, go home, make some miso soup and feast!  I was so hungry I broke into the egg rolls as soon as I got to the car, only to find them to be greasy, strictly cabbage filled twigs no bigger around than my finger.  Gross!  So, across town I drive, with that hunger-driven frenzy that feels like logic and good sense at the time, to my old neighborhood Chinese place that makes the best, fattest, most filled with good stuff egg rolls ever.  The heft of the bag told me all I needed to know, I had scored.  Got my happy self home, broke open the bag and bit into that bad boy only to find they’ve switched vendors – there was nothing but wilted cabbage in there. 

The seaweed salad was gnarly but I ate most of it.  Then I had a pear.  And then a handful of chocolate covered peanuts I found hiding in the bottom of my freezer.  And now a cup of tea.  I’m still hungry, I’m still restless, and I still have no dresses!

 

Tags: food, rant, clothes, mini skirts, dress barn, egg rolls