Jeez Louise, what a day. Found out from my accountant that I owe thousands of dollars on my taxes. “How did this happen?” I asked, my voice cracking. “You didn’t pay enough last year”, he said, cracking in a different way.
I spent most of the day in an utter daze. I don’t have the money. I’m already doing the financial shuffle of an entrepreneur in the first year of a new business, with the added burden of the divorce. Moving out of the house doubled my expenses, but my income stayed the same. I had to pay movers, buy household stuff like a cheese grater and other essentials, plus there was the damn attorney’s retainer. There has been a lot of money flowing right on through me for the last seven months; unfortunately it seems too little of it went to my quarterly estimated taxes.
There were tears of fear, fury and utter hopelessness today. I’m pretty exhausted now; I simply must get some sleep. Frankly, I’m looking forward checking out for eight hours. Luckily I was busy today and very distracted. I feel a moderate level of peace right now, and this is what I can share about that: this is a money problem. Money problems aren’t life threatening. No one is sick or suffering. If money is the answer, it’s not that bad of a problem, considering the truly serious, painful, heart wrenching struggles that can befall a person. They print more money every single day. And, I’ve heard told that Uncle Sam sometimes allows installment payments.
Lunch today was a hastily eaten egg salad on whole wheat, half a pint of blackberries and my favorite Ginger Cooler, which is water, lemon, honey and ginger brought to you by the fine folks at Ginger People. It’s so refreshing, and was very good for settling my stomach. I felt pretty queasy most of the day. I drank alot of tea, alternating between Dong Quai for emotional strength and Detox just on general principle.
Dinner was a pile of steamed vegetables, some tofu and rice at a Vietnamese restaurant with a MeetUp Group I enjoy. I’m so very proud of myself for going tonight. The restaurant, Sigonique in Shirlington, is gorgeous to look at – lots of rich silks hanging, uplighting, beautiful turquoise charger plates… and the food was good. I had contemplated taking my tear stained, worn out self right home after work, but it was one of those amazing moments when god drives the car and I find myself just where I need to be. I made pleasant talk with the other folks, ate good veggies, and now I’m finally home. I’m feeling pretty puny again tonight, so I’ve got a cup of garlic tea to ward off contagion. Not too shabby, actually, I got out and was social and came home and took care of myself. Pretty impressive self care for someone who feels so lost!
